Back again

Trying to make a habit of this and I'll admit that my habits are getting better as I get older and realize how stupid an unproductive lifestyle is. Sure, we may only be on this earth for a finite time and YOLO (blegh) but I need to grow up and get into the pattern of paying bills and doing things that will make my down time more satisfying. Who wants to hang around the house when there are dishes in the sink? Maybe it's just me on this one, but it fucks with my chi to have a mess. That being said, there are several in the house. Clothes that need to be washed and folded. Dishes that need to be cleaned. Dinner that needs to be made. But I guess there's a stubborn little girl still inside me pouting (or maybe that's the Palmer hardheadedness my mother scoffs at Dad for all the time)...because my husband was off all day and didn't touch any of it. Why should it always fall to me? Not that he doesn't help; he's great when he's motivated. But it's taking more and more prodding as time goes by and I don't have any desire to do things on my own -- fuck traditional gender roles. Actually, fuck my previous fuck. If he did the yard work, I'd feel more guilt at the unfolded clothes, unwashed dishes, and unmade bed. I know he's playing practicing with three bands but I would just feel so much less bogged down if we'd spare twenty minutes a day to tidy up the place. Maybe just focus on one room together so the house wasn't such a shithole. I wish I were Little Miss Perfect and could accomplish everything I wanted to do and function on four hours of sleep and make the house immaculate. But I'd have to sacrifice everything else to make that happen and I really can't completely put myself at the bottom of my list of priorities if I hope to live past 30. How do I broach the topic with Jason, especially given that I have spent many an off-day glued to Netflix and completely neglecting housework? I've been indirect about it and general, as I tend to do at work (WE need to do this...WE have to get into the habit of doing that). And I know just how well that works, as there's no follow-up on this stuff. But can I really apply my growing business management finesse to my marriage? I don't want him to feel like I'm the boss so I'm treading on shaky ground (though HIMYM suggests there's always a boss). But I feel like if one of us doesn't take charge and ensure shit gets done, it won't -- as has been the case thus far. So I guess I'm going to attempt to manage my marriage, though I am unsure how to approach the topic (subtlety is a woman's art, I suppose). How do I broach the topic of SHARING responsibilities without nagging. Thinking...

Sunday

Listening to my "Cool" playlist on Spotify and working on the FUN items on my to-do list:

• Blog on Internal Externalized
• Blog on Mrs. Window Shopper
• Blog on One-a-Day
• Make signs for work

After which I might try the less-enjoyable items:

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Mop
• Clean

After which I might allow myself to do what I want to most of all but have already spent three hours doing that I could have spent accomplishing things on these lists:

•  Read Game of Thrones

Yeah, I finally cracked open the book I bought for my July flight to Detroit. And, as you'd expect from a girl who binged on 11,000 words of Robert Jordan (and is currently salivating in anticipation for January's concluding tome), I am enjoying it thoroughly. Mayhaps I'll jot down some thoughts on Literary Echoes (a blog in hibernation mode these days) when I complete Book One.

So I've got too many blogs and too much talent to let them go unused. I am going to toot that horn, even if you think I shouldn't. I've come to the realization (with loads of help with innately-empowered individuals) that I need to self-promote. Humility is good and well, but life is too short and this world is too unforgiving to lie down and get walked on all the time. (Though I'm not averse to doing that when the situation calls for my sacrifice for the greater good -- though I will help judge the situation as such.)

I don't know that I'll advertise this, my journal, as vigorously as the others. This bit of electronic space is my own place when I need it to be -- a place to bitch about stuff that's bothering me and a place to rave about things that get me going (though privacy settings may very well come into play on occasion). I want this blog to be less about form and theme and more about getting petty words out of my brain so they don't choke the more productive ones that take root there.

Sometimes there's gold buried under a pile of shit (particularly when your dog has snacked from your jewelry case). So -- like anything else, I suppose -- my words might be a waste of our time some days. But then again, maybe not.

A few quick pieces of news to be revisited and expanded upon in the next few days I'm sure:

• Jason (hubby) and I got a new puppy. She's half-American Bulldog, half-Sharpei and, at 15 weeks, already weighs 35 pounds. Her name is Kara, but she may earn her pilot wings with hard work (potty training?) and become Starbuck one day...
• I just received word that I'm to be promoted from Head Cashier/Service Desk (my job at Home Depot for 8 years) to Electrical Department Head! I don't officially start until the week of Halloween, but I am going to start cramming, like, yesterday...as there's a lot to learn.
• About to start the second month as a member of LA Fitness and am still working on developing a habit of going. I went five days the first week of October but only made it twice last week. Jumping back on that horse tomorrow to hit up a few classes.

Full Day

Woke up this morning around 9:30 (after having "snoozed" my 9 AM alarm). Threw on some PJs and took the dog out. He proceeded to bark inexplicably and I could only distract him with a game of fetch for three throws. I spoke to our neighbor, Mr. Brown, for a few minutes and learned a few things:

• His 82nd birthday is MONDAY (Memorial Day).
• His daughter is visiting on Wednesday.
• His daughter (in-law?) is a songwriter/musician who's won accolades for country and Christian music. She has also apparently worked with Dolly Parton.
• He served in the Korean War.
• He used to be an artist (though, to be fair, can you ever STOP being an artist, even if the hands you use to perform your craft are no longer capable of completing a project?).

Let the dog run around for a few more minutes when the cat approached for a good belly and back rub. Went back inside, where I turned down the A/C (why can't we get a house that doesn't overheat and overcool?) because I woke shivering. Cut up some veggies and made breakfast:

• Hash browns with onions and sweet peppers
• Scrambled eggs with onions, peppers, mushrooms, and Havarti cheese
• Maple bacon

Discovered that I'd unknowingly put the ice cream in the refrigerator last night. Tried to salvage the cream by using it to flavor last night's leftover coffee. Fail. But no harm, because I was really underwhelmed by the ice cream. (I had expected a Peanut Butter fantasy for all the excitement promised on the packaging.) I suppose there's part of Jason that will wonder how I managed to eat half a carton of ice cream on my own, but I feel like he'd feel more pain if he learned it went to waste so I'll just let him believe his wife is a heifer.

Ate breakfast with Jason while we watched the first season of America's Got Talent. It was kinda "meh" though I'm realizing now that the big reason I enjoyed it last year is because I watched the interactions between the judges and we just fast-forwarded to get through the performances in time for me to go to work. Maybe I'll not do that for the next episode.

Went to work sans booty with a huge cup of caramel flavored coffee (again, don't tell Jason -- I was supposed to stay away from "his" creamer since I bought three others. They were on sale!). Things were steady -- mostly with grills and propane tanks -- but not too hectic until the very end of the night when all the assholes showed up feeling all entitled to shit.

But I'm getting ahead of myself; I must use this space to its full potential and detail my meals. OF COURSE. Lunch:

• Baked potato with sour cream and garlic salt
• Raspberry blended yogurt
• Honey wheat pretzels with Port Wine cheese spread
• Chocolate chip granola bar
• SUPER SOUR Pink Lemonade (how did I drink that stuff every day during Ohio summers?)

Closed with Libby, which was cool aside from the fact that she rushed out of there when 8:00 rolled around -- leaving me solo with the crazies. (Thank God Isiah came by to help out. And Becca...eventually.)

Crazies:

1. Guy who'd told us he wouldn't be in until Monday comes in without warning FIVE MINUTES to close to pick up 50 landscape timbers that had been stashed in the overhead in a bundle of 100 (and would have to be rebundled again before they could be put back up for safekeeping). Gave half-hearted apologies and did not take my very strong nonverbal hints to leave. How rude!
2. Bargain hunter comes in 4 minutes to close requesting a price match (which for some reason the returns cashier Libby sent my way rather than dealing with herself), claiming that our competitor has paver blocks for half the price of ours. Such a price difference is not common, so I went to the trouble of calling the competitor, despite the fact that we're trained to JUST DO IT when it's a piddly markdown. They gave me a price 20 cents more expensive than the one she'd given and I told her such and she proceeded to show me a receipt from the competitor in which they had MANUALLY given her a markdown (probably because she told them that we had it cheaper, no doubt). Since she found it necessary to lie to save $1.20 and since there were only 2 minutes left at this point, I ran with it and scoffed as she walked out the door.
3. Two guys came up to the desk AT CLOSING TIME on the dot with a cart full of merchandise and a SKU number for bigger merchandise they had originally told their salesman (who had given me a heads-up on the situation) they were coming back for the following day. They decide to throw all their bullshit at me full-force, whining about "not having known" the store was closing early (despite 8PM being our regular closing time on EVERY SUNDAY) and then whining about not being able to get the $19 rate for a truck rental when the rental center closes promptly at closing time and the computer automatically charges overnight rentals the full day rate BECAUSE (get this) THEY HAVE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE THE LARGE ITEMS WITH THEM ALSO (despite one of them being in the overhead). They can't seem to understand that the store closes at the time posted on our door and ask me WHY??? can't they just drop off the truck within the 75 minute time frame that we offer DURING NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS because *surely* someone will be available in tool rental to check it back in for them despite the fact that the store (including tool rental) closes at the time posted on our door. I also want to say that they didn't have their car insurance card with them (required for a truck rental) but I didn't do that part so I dunno. Either way, they were super irritating.

Swung by KRYSTAL for a #1 with cheese and a Corn Pup (because I couldn't resist). Feel blegh now but it's all good because I need to go to bed and *maybe* just *maybe* I'll start a resolution tomorrow to exercise and eat right and it won't matter how shitty I behaved/ate Sunday. Watched a few episodes of DR. WHO -- halfway through the second season now! My viewing plan (if I can stick to it) is to watch a season of one show before moving on to the next, then coming back around and picking it up again (kinda like REAL TV works). I dunno if this is my way of clinging to normalcy in this era after cable/satellite. (How sad is it that I can divide my life into "before" and "after" TV? Damn, I need to do something more valuable with my time.) Anyway, the series I'm watching now:

• Dr. Who
• How I Met Your Mother
• Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Star Trek: The Original Series

 After these, I'll have to get another rotation...or another hobby. But I highly doubt I can wean myself off of Netflix, what with all the movies and shows at my fingertips. Not to mention how lazy/tired I am after a day of work...not that it's physically exhausting, but just take a look at 1-3 and multiply that by eight hours and again by 5 days a week. Sigh, retail is dumb.

After the Netflixing, I decided to bumble over to blogger and do some writing. I couldn't muster up a short story but I copied a few word-of-the-day entries to the electronic world and am now attempting to reopen a blog (not having had one since MySpace -- what the hell is going on over there these days, I wonder?). I can't say my life is all that exciting but maybe within the ore of this blog there will be some salvageable jewels (which I will promptly transfer over to my word-of-the-day/creative writing pursuits)?

Jason had a show in Tucker, Georgia, today (sounds far away, even if I can't point to it on a map without Google's help). I thought I might stay up late enough to say "hello" before passing out but it's 1:40AM and, while I don't work tomorrow, I have been up for 16 hours and it's long past time to start snoring.

Well, thanks (self?) for the opportunity to throw my rants and raves on [virtual] paper. In other news, I really am enjoying ALEX CLARE. He's got soul but his stuff has got some dubstep/heavy bass elements and I dig it.

In other news, I'm an INTP (Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiver) and Jason is an ENTJ (Extroverted iNtuitive Thinking Judger). We're CONTRASTS apparently but the descriptions are right on. Not quite sure what motivated me to look into personality quizzes but it's fun sometimes to have a complete stranger (an automated one if you can manage it) analyze you.

In other other news, dog has fleas again. I'm convinced there's something outside (in the shed?) that's full of them, as we've fogged the house already. Giving him another flea bath tomorrow.

Still waiting on Jason to tell me if his vacation got approved so I can get seriously started planning our road trip up north. More news as it becomes available. Adios.

No money to burn, so I'll burn time...

Heya people. Just hanging out in the "Cyber Cafe" at the KSU Student Center...catching up on old friends and trying to get back into the loop on things. This keyboard is driving me absolutely crazy because it makes soo much noise when I press it and I really can't stop using the space bar unless y'all want me typinglikethis. (Not advisable.)

Went tanning last night for the FIRST time...with my friend Tara (used to work at HD with me...now she's a real estate agent). We both went for 10 minutes (Charles seemed appalled when I told him how long we stayed in) and I already can see a tan line. Spec-freaking-tacular. Plan to go back this afternoon.

I am totally and completly addicted to World of Warcraft. It's become what I look forward to at the end of my work day ... Charles and I played from about 9 to 12:30 last night. I skipped my first class this morning to catch up on sleep.

I have GOT to stop this procrastination problem of mine. By next Tuesday, I need to study for my American History test, write a lab report, file taxes, file FAFSAs, and get a good start - better yet, FINISH - my research paper. YAY! Good thing I'm working in phone sales tomorrow. (Call me at HD if you're dying to talk to me between 9-6.)

Work is completely pissing me off. Management is lackluster, promising more staff and failing to deliver on their promises. Don't even get me started on my direct supervisor - he's so useless...if he's not "sick," he's in the back, doing paperwork that I never see finished. And somehow he gets all these HOURS of overtime - several tuned-in cashiers have asked me if it's possible to change one's time punches, or do so from outside the store - because no one ever sees him. *sigh*

Part of me just wants to quit and look for a M-F job in an office where I can put my 70 wpm typing skills to use and get paid a hell of a lot more than the Depot has to offer. But then again, HD allows me the time to take classes during the week. *Sigh*

Well, I guess I'll do some reading and composing for this paper of mine. Feel free to drop me a note or comment or whatever. Later.

Piacular's Path Led Me Here

Is it truly possible to write a poem about a walk with a deity --everyone claims to like long walks on the beach --and insert Him into your life? It seems that whoever HE is, he is one serious celebrity --sure, the paparazzi don't snap his photos (amazing disguises?),but He's in everything we read, see, hear ...when He should be in here -- inside of me. I cannot claim to know anything about the unknowable, but I FEEL Him in my core. I know that there's a greater power somewhere, though I can't be sure He's always watching, always concerned for our welfare.Hell, if the "created in His image" spiel is right, God is cheering along with me for the dumbasses on YouTube to castrate themselves with their stupid tricks and get it the fuck over with. Who created us and the animals we slaughter and plants we trample and the earth we destroy? It's impossible for me to think we haven't always been raping the world we dwell on,but how can I even grasp the idea of a beginning, of a creation, of a Creator? I know I'll never have all the answers so I find it hard to accept someone else's creation of millennia gone by. And I feel silly accepting pieces of a dogma whilst forsaking the rest, though when I envision my thoughts on other subjects, there's definitely a patchwork quilt going on there...so who's to say faith can't be the same? Will I come off as wishy-washy if I accept the morals of the Bible without being 100% on-board with Jesus' biography? I know that mystical things happen and I believe in the possibility of magic and miracles and I wouldn't dare say I'm 100% against Jesus' life story...but first of all, who can say how much of a story is truth and how much fiction? Especially when that story was written thousands of years ago and consumed and regurgitated by generations and generations of church leaders whose goals and aims and motives often strayed from the original intent (who's really to say what that intent is anyway). Second of all, and this goes against everything I was taught in Sunday School (before I was actually given the tools to analyze and question the information I was fed...just being honest), even if God sent his one and only son to the earth to die for the sins of millions of evil people, how is that supposed to motivate me to do good? I mean, it's said that any sin is forgiven...but if I think that I can murder a handful of people and then be forgiven, how has Jesus' story helped anything? I feel that this unknowable power that I can't even begin to comprehend or discuss flows through us all and I feel drawn to the idea of karma. Hell, even if *I* don't see your comeuppance after you've done something truly horrible, it makes me feel better to think that something bad is going to happen to you. Is it bad to hope for bad things for bad people? The Bible tells us not to in the New Testament but there's sure as hell a lot of punishment doled out in the OT. I don't know where I'm going with this but obviously I'm confused about what I'm supposed thing about Christianity, about God, about Jesus, about the afterlife...and I definitely need to spend more time analyzing my thoughts so I can better understand myself and the creature that I am and I can stop fitting into someone else's mold and I can regain myself from these ideologies I've blindly followed and who the hell am I? Will I ever know or will I just become so bogged down with questions and uncertainties that I'll lose myself? I think the chance to know myself at a deeper level is worth unearthing questions that I can't answer and worth all of the confusion because it will mean that I'm thinking and not simply following some pre-made path.

Color Choice

As a female Literature major, I tend to overanalyze things...seeking symbolism and significance in emptiness. Why did I choose such a sickly green for my new blog template? Is it because of my current book -- in which summer has extended and intensified past its time resulting in sickly, dying flora? Is it because it's 70 degrees in February in real-life, which seems an abomination of Nature's laws? Is it because I feel sickly inside and that something -- if just my younger self -- is dying?

Then again, maybe it's just because the color fit into the background color scheme.

Interesting stumbles

Elle's film critic picked the top 10 movies of 2009. While the majority sound promising (though I have only seen one of them), the #10 film is enough to discredit the entire list.
     1. Hunger
     2. The Hurt Locker
     3. White Ribbon
     4. Treeless Mountain
     5. Precious
     6. Bright Star
     7. Where the Wild Things Are
     8. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee
     9. Inglourious Basterds
   10. Jennifer's Body (?!?!?!)

**honorable mentions include The Sun, An Education, Up in the Air, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and Gomorra.**