Is it truly possible to write a poem about a walk with a deity --everyone claims to like long walks on the beach --and insert Him into your life? It seems that whoever HE is, he is one serious celebrity --sure, the paparazzi don't snap his photos (amazing disguises?),but He's in everything we read, see, hear ...when He should be in here -- inside of me. I cannot claim to know anything about the unknowable, but I FEEL Him in my core. I know that there's a greater power somewhere, though I can't be sure He's always watching, always concerned for our welfare.Hell, if the "created in His image" spiel is right, God is cheering along with me for the dumbasses on YouTube to castrate themselves with their stupid tricks and get it the fuck over with. Who created us and the animals we slaughter and plants we trample and the earth we destroy? It's impossible for me to think we haven't always been raping the world we dwell on,but how can I even grasp the idea of a beginning, of a creation, of a Creator? I know I'll never have all the answers so I find it hard to accept someone else's creation of millennia gone by. And I feel silly accepting pieces of a dogma whilst forsaking the rest, though when I envision my thoughts on other subjects, there's definitely a patchwork quilt going on there...so who's to say faith can't be the same? Will I come off as wishy-washy if I accept the morals of the Bible without being 100% on-board with Jesus' biography? I know that mystical things happen and I believe in the possibility of magic and miracles and I wouldn't dare say I'm 100% against Jesus' life story...but first of all, who can say how much of a story is truth and how much fiction? Especially when that story was written thousands of years ago and consumed and regurgitated by generations and generations of church leaders whose goals and aims and motives often strayed from the original intent (who's really to say what that intent is anyway). Second of all, and this goes against everything I was taught in Sunday School (before I was actually given the tools to analyze and question the information I was fed...just being honest), even if God sent his one and only son to the earth to die for the sins of millions of evil people, how is that supposed to motivate me to do good? I mean, it's said that any sin is forgiven...but if I think that I can murder a handful of people and then be forgiven, how has Jesus' story helped anything? I feel that this unknowable power that I can't even begin to comprehend or discuss flows through us all and I feel drawn to the idea of karma. Hell, even if *I* don't see your comeuppance after you've done something truly horrible, it makes me feel better to think that something bad is going to happen to you. Is it bad to hope for bad things for bad people? The Bible tells us not to in the New Testament but there's sure as hell a lot of punishment doled out in the OT. I don't know where I'm going with this but obviously I'm confused about what I'm supposed thing about Christianity, about God, about Jesus, about the afterlife...and I definitely need to spend more time analyzing my thoughts so I can better understand myself and the creature that I am and I can stop fitting into someone else's mold and I can regain myself from these ideologies I've blindly followed and who the hell am I? Will I ever know or will I just become so bogged down with questions and uncertainties that I'll lose myself? I think the chance to know myself at a deeper level is worth unearthing questions that I can't answer and worth all of the confusion because it will mean that I'm thinking and not simply following some pre-made path.
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