Stayed late at work working O/T, got home around 7:30 with the gas gauge approaching E. My stomach had been churning all day, tears were threatening to fall as I struggled with the situation from yesterday and its significance. Jason reached out through text and again made excuses for his terrible behavior. He ultimately told me that I need to talk him down and I am at least partially responsible for his reactions. It seems my short time in introspection (guided by ACA and Al-Anon) has done something because I said NO before any other words had been transmitted.
NO, you are responsible for your reactions and behavior. WE BOTH messed up with the parking situation -- you with saying you'd bring back cash to the machine and me with not supporting you with a reminder (I still struggle not to blame him for it all, but it was an olive branch perhaps). What could have been an opportunity to accept blame and discuss ways to improve our teamwork going forward became a battle with you over a situation that was clearly no one's fault but ours.
I'm still not sure how to verbalize the situation but I felt much stronger standing up for myself and putting him in his place. I told him that if he COMBAT MODE every time something bad happens, neither one of us will survive.
Then I went home, skipped my meeting, and slept from 9pm-7am. Like a rock.
I'm not sure how to talk to him anymore. We're either laughing it up and chatting frivolously or we're at each other's throats when something real comes up that's out of our control.
I want this marriage to work but am not sure that it can.
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